Title: First He Giveth
I don't like any of the pictures I took today. I blame the woman at Target that totally cock blocked me (SLR=dick, remember?) and told me that security would have to confiscate my camera if I took a picture, which I was in the middle of doing. Then:
AJ: Security will come?
Mean Lady: Yes.
AJ: Homeland?
Mean Lady: *scowl*
Looking back, I really should have snapped it while she was talking to me. She wouldn't have noticed.
So I have long been outspoken about the uselessness of babies, especially when compared to dogs. I am a man in need of immediate gratification. I am a true product of the MTV generation, and if I'm not doing something like killing hookers in GTA, then I had better find something else stimulating to do, stat.
Babies cannot hold an intelligent conversation with you for a minimum of 10 years, prolonging any kind of gratification you can get out of them. Plus, when they've reached that 10 year mark, all they've learned is how to talk-back and be little ass holes.
Also, they're physically inferior. The day I buy a puppy, I can start training it to fetch a ball, I can play with it, run with it, etc. Will your 3 year old bring me the recycling as compliantly as Hannah does? Can your baby jump onto the Rock of God? I didn't think so.
People get so excited when their babies say their first word or learn to crawl. That's nothing. I'll fucking recite Shakespeare (or Happy Gilmore, but what's the difference really?) while running a marathon. I'd like to see a stupid baby do that.
Lastly and quite possibly most importantly, what are you supposed to pet on a child? There's very limited hair, and it's not as fluffy, fuzzy, or puffy as a dog's.
My point is that I learned today that you can cut pounds - literally pounds, like 100 - of hair off of a dog and there's still infinitely more to pet on them than on a baby.
4 comments:
I read Bin Laden said he would kill all the Yankee Dogs by bombing every Target Store, and an occasional K-Mart.
Bonnie looks like as soon as it gets dark, she's gunna chew your leg off.
Poor Baby.
poor babies can't even defend themselves. They only grow up to be assholes if you raise them to be. They are stupid for a long time. But you get to teach them how not to
better than the mood goddess? wow.
Holy shit dude! This is my favorite blog post yet.
I can't believe you balded your daughter (like when Rachel balded Ross's girlfriend). Did you do the same for Hannah?
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