Day 71

Title: Disappearing Act

Tonight was a lovely evening. I really wish I could have done both what I did do AND frolf, but there are only 24 hours in a day, and really only about 9 if you subtract sleep and work, and really only about 7 if you subtract waking up for/getting ready for/transporting myself to-and-from work, and really only about 5 if you subtract all of my going to bed rituals including posting a picture for you bitches and reading myself to sleep. The gathering at Cindy Carrillo's Casa for WOGers and the like took about 4 hours, leaving only 1 hour of today for me to do what I wanted to do, and during that hour I got ready for the gathering and transported myself to-and-from it.

That was a stupidly long way of saying sorry to Mark for not frolfing with him.

I saw a woman's belly jiggle due to internal forces. Did you know that a woman's abdominal wall splits in half to allow expanding during pregnancy? Her six-pack turns into two independent three-packs on the sides of her "baby bump" aka "baby giant-ass growth".

And I also learned that a woman doesn't have to be in her 40s to be a milf. In the words of Jesse Katsopolis: have mercy.

..........

A note on the people portrayed in my photos:
I don't put photos of people on here solely based on my feelings towards them. If I only put on here people that are super important to me, there'd be a lot more of some people that have yet to debut, and several past subjects would be removed. I had a great friend of mine tell me the other day that he wishes that he were the subject of one of my photos. I don't know if he was just saying that he wants to be put into a beautiful piece of art (I'm not making a comment on MY art with that statement, I'm just making a point), or that he wants to be included in mine, this wonderful obsessive blog that is so important to me. I'd like to think the latter, and I think that's a fair assumption. I just want to tell the people like him (all 2 of you...you know who you are) that want to be included here: don't worry. I'm not making a broad statement about our relationship or your looks (though 1 of the 2 of you is pretty ugly...you guys duke it out to figure which is which). I've said it before, the picture that turns into the POD is typically the one that I'm most happy with as a photographer at the end of the day. Yesterday was a little different since the picture was more about the struggle I had with taming it so to speak.

By the way, this is reminding me of something else that's been on my mind lately. I hate not knowing how people actually feel about me. I hate having that little voice of self-doubt in the back of my head telling me that maybe some of the people I consider friends don't feel the same way. I find myself wondering when I'm invited to shindigs if I was invited because I'm genuinely wanted there, or if it's because the inviter knows that I'll find out about it later and come to them wondering why I wasn't invited. I stop calling some of these "friends" and stop trying to make plans to hang out with them, essentially putting the ball that is our friendship in their court. If they call me sometime then I know that they actually want to hang out with me, but if they never do then it's not a true loss since I'm not really losing a real friend anyway.

This is horrible way to live your life. I know what I'm doing is stupid, but I'm an insecure person. Shit.

Speaking of insecurities, I'm beginning to think that I should have cropped the Surgeon General's warning out of the mini-pic.